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2015-09-06 19:17:33 by Eagleon

This chart gathered by travelers to the end of time proves that our future lies with Coca-Cola as our guiding light!


(*You might require some explanation for the odd dip that occurs after 2088 - at this point, life expansion technology has exceeded logarithmically our capacity to extend our normal lifecycle as humans, and we begin to transition towards beings of pure fructose, living faster rather than longer within our simulation cells.)

(*The fifth millenium coincides with the explosive growth of a genocidal group known as the Order of Basil, who actually succeeded in ripping trillions from their paradise within the Syrutopia to die horrifically of natural causes.  After their downfall close to 5000 years later, we see a gradual accumulation of life extension treatments, inferior but supplementing HFCS as a way to continue Neumann's law well until the heatdeath of the universe.)

In conclusion, eating gallons and gallons of HFCS-containing product - the purer the better - can and will make you live longer. These claims are substantiated by extensive research at some point or another - we'll get to it - and are not at all a matter of simple correlation like the government-controlled universities may want you to believe. The numbers literally speak for themselves.

Recent Game Medals

Family man 5 Points Find uncle Medal Stats.
First Battle 5 Points Meet the Thug Medal Stats.
First Juice 5 Points Luckily he doesn't bleed blood. Medal Stats.
Missile Defense 10 Points Destroy 15 enemies with missiles. (unlocks Shadoo) Medal Stats.
Triple Kill 25 Points Kill 3 enemies without touching the ground, as a non-flying character Medal Stats.
Scrambled Eggs 5 Points Defeat Mr. Eggs in hand to hand combat Medal Stats.
Not the Bees 10 Points Kill 5 bees you racist Medal Stats.
Too Quickly 5 Points You went too quickly Medal Stats.
Double Kill 10 Points Kill 2 enemies without touching the ground, as a non-flying character Medal Stats.
Gotta Go Quickly 5 Points Go quickly Medal Stats.

Total Medals Earned: 56 (From 10 different games.)

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