Disregard whiny shitpost, I just found this
http://www.amazon.com/Syba-SD-CM-UAUD-Adapter-C-Media-Chipset/dp/B001MSS6CS/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1439832223&sr=8-2 (holy fuck amazon, $8.02 shipping for something you could mail in a letter envelope. I'll figure something else out)
and while on the downside I'll need a usb hub for midi keyboard to work at the same time, oh look I already have one from my broken desktop. Resiliance
woop
Update: Adapter came in, and after disabling 44>48 in ASIO is working. Sort of. Yay :3
VicariousE
Always good to hear there's a cheap and cheerful technical solution out there! Still bummed there's nothing to work with my old analog stereo mics, or one that could take a right and left 1/8" mono. Fuck it, I'll get one of those blueball snow mic thingies... tried to pick one up at 2 different Best Buys, Staples... none in stock.
Eagleon
Yeah, I don't know microphones really. I have a Samson c01u that I never use because I can't play guitar anymore because of my wrists, don't have a piano, and sing like a strangled cat lawl. Wish I could help!